Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
whose parrot is this?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
