I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
