Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
