I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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