apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
