Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
