I think I am morally bankrupt
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
