she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do herpes really smell.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
