Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
