he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
