You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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