I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
