he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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