White coat. Heels.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
