I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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