I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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