For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
