Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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