apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
