We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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