Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
