So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
