Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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