You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
