Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
