everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
