your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
