shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
