he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
