was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
