i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my being single is dangerous.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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