so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
