I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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