just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
try to milk me bitch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
