Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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