sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
