Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Your dad touched me again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
