this beer tastes like vomit already
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
