Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
