I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
