what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
