i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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