hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
