Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
