"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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