Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
