So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
