you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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