the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
