i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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