I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
